If there’s one thing I miss about being a kid, it’s the sheer fervour I had for the media I consumed. Being an adult’s alright, but it kinda sucks knowing that I can’t experience media with the curiosity, wonder, and ability to form wild attachments that I used to have.

You get what I mean? Emotional immersion, perhaps? And while I certainly miss the utter joy of characters overcoming their struggles, what oddly miss is the fear.

Okay I still feel fear and I struggle with anything horror, but childhood fear is different: it’s transformative, fuelled by imagination, and it lingers, that overly empathetic feeling of wot if that happened to me that you look back and laugh at for how ridiculous it is.

As you grow up, you gain an amazing appreciation for artistry, writing, direction, etc, but you lose the magic. Is it really a fair trade?

I don’t have much else to say on the matter itself, but I’d like to share some things that have stuck in my mind since I was young. Spoiler-free, of course.

Jungle Run

Part of ITV’s children’s programming, Jungle Run was an amazing action-packed game show. Each episode would see 3 kids in the tropical wild (in reality: meticulously made sets) facing daring challenges. It was actually a conversation about Jungle Run what started this blog post, a bunch of us were talking about it and watching clips¹ (it still holds up as an adult), and we all had the same thought as kids:

The show had a few maze challenges where a contestant could be TRAPPED FOREVER (and in the final task, all of them could be trapped). Obviously the show didn’t kill the contestants, but you try telling that to a kid,

I’d also be amiss not to mention Raven, which was the BBC’s foil to Jungle Run. It had familiar challenges, but with a medieval fantasy theme, and the kids were slowly eliminated over the course of a series. One challenge in particular, The Way of the Warrior had us at the edge of our seats every time. God, being a kid was fun.

Doctor Who

If there’s anything that thrives on fuelling wonder & fear of children, it’s Doctor Who. The 2005 revival came out when I was still in primary school, and back then every episode was this big daring adventure. On one hand you had all the wonders of time and space. On the other hand, there’d be a deadly monster or situation that’d leave its mark on you.

When you see a single Dalek wipe out an entire complex, you can’t help but wonder what you’d do in that situation. When Cybermen invade your home, how could you escape? Wot if the Prime Minister was an alien sociopath? So many scenarios filled my head as a young’un.

Final Fantasy X

The only Final Fantasy I’ve ever played, and it’s a classic. The game follows Tidus, a young pro water-footballer whose dreamlike futuristic home is devastated by an ancient evil. Waking up after the attack, he finds himself in a completely different world, hopping between island nations as he attempts to find his way back home.

I would’ve been around 8 years old. It was my first JRPG, and it radically different from anything else I had played. It was plot-heavy, and had me hooked. While I ultimately didn’t get far, my brain was constantly racked with the thought of what if I was in Tidus’ shoes? Doubly so when you hit the game’s first major plot twist.

20-odd years later, I’ve been replaying it at a piecemeal pace. It’s a beautiful, superb game with a rich story which I can appreciate a lot more. As an adult I’m surprised at how heartfelt & emotional it is, and while I’ve lost something since growing up, I think I prefer playing/viewing it through an adult lens.

The Matrix

When I was 9, I caught my first glimpse of The Matrix on some random Freeview channel – the start of a lifetime obsession. If you ever watched it as a kid, I’m sure you also touched the back of your neck during a certain moment expecting to feel something, and later went on to develop bouts of solipsism due to the film.

Ace Attorney

I played the Ace Attorney trilogy on the DS when I was 13. It was the first Visual Novel I ever played, and like FFX, it was different to everything else. You’d expect a game about lawyers would be a bore, but the games are far from it. It’s probably the closest we have to a Columbo game.

Now the games’ main strength? Character writing. The core cast of characters are delightful, and I got attached to them all as a teen. I’d be elated with each triumph, and there’s one character in particular who pops up in key parts of the game – and it always felt amazing to see her each time.

Truth be told, I never finished the trilogy. I got all the way up to the third game’s final case, then stopped. I tried replaying it as an adult, and to be mopey, it didn’t really click. Adult me just can’t get as excited about the game, and my lessened patience & free time doesn’t help.

The World Ends with You

I was 14, and this was probably the last thing I had that childlike wonder for. Another DS game, a weird action RPG where you fight using both screens at once. It’s a tad mind-bending. The game follows Neku, a moody loner teenager who finds himself dead, stuck in a weird limbo where he and others must fight for another shot at life. Forced to partner up with a teenage girl, can they overcome a series of challenges to return to the living?

It’s a beautiful game in every way, but again, I was so emotionally hooked to the synopsis and the characters when I was young. You fall in love with the cast, you feel for Neku as he’s forced to open himself up to others, and the tension ratchets up when you discover what’s really at stake. Each twist had me gobsmacked and grrr I wish I could experience this for the first time as a teen again.

It was also another game I got right to the end of yet never finished. I returned to it a few years ago as an adult, beat it, and… I think it was the first time I fully acknowledged what I had lost. How much I was once fuelled by imagination, being able to lose myself in the thought of what if I was in this world?

With that being said, it’s still an amazing game and worth checking out². It still holds up, and it’s just beautiful. It was lovely to see how the game ended, and it had me on the verge of tears when all was said and done.

Pirates of the Caribbean

Not to suddenly upend this entire blog post at the end, but there’s something about the PotC trilogy (even if the third film is a tad weak) which sparks that childhood magic again.

Is it the meticulous character writing? The action setpieces? The bombastic score? Or is it just because I wanted to be a pirate as a kid? Whatever it is, those films heal my inner child, and they’re always a thrill to re-watch.