What I miss about Pandemic Life

With the WHO declaring that Covid is no longer a global emergency, we've quickly been pushed back to life as it was before the pandemic, with barely a thought given to what life was like for a good few years.

Life was in no way a fun jaunty romp, but when I look back I find myself amazed at how we acted back then – and how in some ways we've went back.

We did away with handshakes for a bit

Does anyone really like handshakes? The awkward dance of meeting eyes, guiding hands without vision with no clue as to how firmly to grasp (and the uncomfortable moment when you squeeze down on the limpest hand known to man). The shaking of hands staining your palm with thick layers of oil and grease and leaving you waiting until it's socially acceptable to run to the nearest sink to scrub your hands clean... I can't be doing with it.

With the pandemic came the novel introduction of the Elbow bump, the bumbling alternative that turned you to a drunken duellist, slowly leaning in with a cumbersome thrust. Whilst more time-consuming, it eliminated the problem of oh god I hate touching people's hands, and the embarrassment of touching elbows was mutual.

For me, the gold standard remains the Fist bump. Quick, efficient, minimal. Keeps respect while acting casual. Perfect.

Going the distance (all of 2 metres)

Last week while shopping I noticed something odd by my local's checkouts – ancient markings 2 metres apart, faded relics from when Covid run rabid guiding us to where to stand. My trance was broken as the bloke behind me coughed on the back of my head. Bit rude. No need to squeeze in so tight mate.

Health aside, the fact that you didn't have to defend your personal space from some folks was a godsend.

The Cleansing of the Ads

For whatever reason, the first year and a half of the pandemic killed all physical advertising in my area, and it was blissful. No longer was I assaulted with a kaleidoscope of jarring colours and bright shapes telling me how my life was shit because I haven't bought an assortment of products and services – and it's funny how hunger wasn't an issue on my commute when massive displays of food suddenly disappeared.

I'd do anything to have that back. Life without advertising is so much calmer on my eyes, and as garish displays returned to plaster every square inch of space I've found myself frustrated at how they pry my attention away from the world. We could all do without such visual pollution.

Not a lotter of litter. Littler litter. Words.

There's nothing as lush as the British outdoors, a grand canvas adorned with every shade of green, adored.

Unfortunately wherever you go there's a mobs of littering cunts who'll find any excuse to fill hedgerows with whatever they can't be arsed to put in their pockets. With less of them going out and spoiling the outside world, the state of Britain's nature pathways were a sight to behold. Who told them that the pandemic was over?

All in it together*

Stuck in our fast & fractured worlds, we all run about our daily lives isolated from each other's struggles. Covid swiftly got in the way, and as we were put under lockdown there quickly became one unifying truth about the pandemic: life is shit now, or at least more than usual.

There was no avoiding it, and when the bog roll battle royale simmered down the state of life eventually brought people closer together (safely within 2m of each other). Empathy rode up to new heights as we got past the initial waves of stress, and no longer did people judge one another for the states of their lives or for being behind. You could be living in a tip and it didn't matter, everyone else might as well have been too.

Unfortunately, not everyone was in it together. But unlike day-to-day life where we're apathetic towards those in powers flaunting the rules and too burnt out to be outraged, when we found out that prominent politicians were breaking rules (that they themselves had drawn up!), we were rightfully furious. Why should we sacrifice this much if you can't show the most basic respect for us?

The fury could be heard from the heavens as story after story leaked out to the press, and such cases kicked off the downward spiral of multiple political careers – thinking about those figures sweating like pigs in front of an angry public is still cathartic, but we must be careful. As we've returned to normal we've slipped back into general apathy at the state of things; and worse, we've became complacent at a media industry gifting such disgraced figures free PR via juicy reality TV gigs.

But politicians aside, I'm thankful that the widespread acceptance of mental health issues has managed to stick around.

washing hands holy moly

genuine question: how the fuck do you forget about washing your hands after doing it for two years straight??? Mental.